At one time or another, many of us humans have centralized our attention on trying (hoping, praying, wishing, fantasizing, intending!) to find the ideal partner. We’ve come up with all kinds of intelligent schemes, spent exorbitant amounts of time shopping for potential mates on Match.com, conducted rituals with love potions—the long list goes on!
The usual problem with these approaches is that when attention is directed so intensely outwards to some future, external, unknown “other,” our own essential energy gets scattered and confused…and here's the secret: hidden within our own essential energy is exactly the love we're craving!
The simple thought “I want to find the perfect partner for me” can easily snowball in the mind into obsession and fantasy and lead to impulsive decision-making that increases suffering (believe me, I've been there!). Let's pause to investigate that thought. Is there an underlying, foundational thought that proceeds that one? Usually it's something like, “I don’t have the [love/friendship/connection/passion] I need.” Investigating further, you will likely find that that thought comes from a feeling of lack ["I feel lacking in love, lacking in connection"].
Any feeling of lack is a hard place to start from to find a good partner. Are you attracted to people who exude lack?
So what is the alternative to frantic partner-seeking from a place of lack, you may ask?
For starters, try this simple, step-by-step magical love potion:
The happiness, love, and peace you imagine your ideal mate will bring you starts and ends with YOU—your relationship with your Self.
I’m not saying you won’t find a great mate on Match.com, as I’ve heard many success stories from friends! It’s just that if and when you do find a great match, it will likely come from someone who's inner awesomeness is attracted to your inner awesomeness. And then once you are “with” that person, sustaining the relationship in a harmonious way will require directing your attention back at yourself and doing your own “inner work" anyways!
By focusing your precious life force energy on your own internal alchemy--by directing your awareness towards cultivating love inside yourself--you will soon attract a partner whom you really desire.
But!...at that point you won’t need a partner because YOU will embody all the love you need. And this is where it gets good! Instead of needing each other and placing demands and expectations on each other, you will enrich each other’s lives, bring each other joy, authentically share experiences, and choose what you want to create together. Now that sounds like fun!